Mar 31, 2020 | The Quarantine Diary, Week 4
Something really strange, but wonderful, happened yesterday. I had been sorting photos the day before and I woke up thinking of a photo from the time I was working as a chamber maid in a hotel in Germany 30 years ago. It triggered a memory of an Irish guy I had met there – no one important, he just worked where I worked. I couldn’t remember his name.
I suddenly remembered that it was to him I had lent my favourite book – an early reprint of a book from the 1800’s of first hand accounts of Irish spells and superstitions. I got a flash back to the exact moment I handed him the book, probably a bit drunk, saying “this is one of my most treasured items, I want it back”. I never got it back. I didn’t realise it was missing until I was months back home in Ireland and couldn’t remember where it went.
Over the last 30 years I have thought about that book many times, sometimes googled it frantically, spent hours searching on Amazon. I couldn’t remember the exact title, it was long, but I was sure it was compiled by Sinead De Valera, who was a previous Irish President’s wife. I was sure it was her, as I remembered thinking when I bought it in the Winding Stair Book Shop in Dublin, that the reason she could publish it as a woman back then in her own name, was because she was related to a significant male.
Until 5.30am yesterday morning, I had completely forgotten to whom I had lent it. Until 5.30am yesterday morning, for 30 years I had completely forgotten that guy. I fell back asleep. Woke up ate my Weetabix, brought the dog for a walk around the garden, answered some emails, had two cups of tea.
Roll on six hours. I’m doing some researching for a blog post and I google something about Irish superstition that I wanted to include as a one liner to the post. And low and behold the full text of my favourite book, which I haven’t been able to find in 30 years, appears on screen. It took me a moment to realise it was the book, as it wasn’t by the author I had thought, instead, it was compiled by Lady Jane Francesca Wilde. Oscar Wilde’s mother, Oscar Wilde was the significant male not De Valera.
I randomly click on one page and remember why I loved the book so much. It was not only the original spells but the first hand accounts from the 1800’s of Irish superstitions being lived out that I loved:
‘Fine young peasant women are often carried off by the fairies to nurse their little fairy progeny. But the woman is allowed to come back to her own infant after sunset. However on entering the house, the husband must at once throw holy water over her in the name of God, when she will be restored to her own shape. For sometimes she comes in with a hissing noise like a serpent; then she appears black, and shrouded like one from the dead; and, lastly, in her own shape, when she takes her old place by the fire and nurses her baby; and the husband must ask no questions, but give her food in silence. If she falls asleep the third night, all will be well, for the husband at once ties a red thread across the door to prevent the fairies from coming to carry her off, and if the third night passes over safely the fairies have lost their power over her for evermore.’
I LOVE THIS! You can just imagine a young one who was married off to an old farmer and had a baby nine months later (all a bit of a shock to the system) legging it out in the morning because she has to feed the fairy babies ALL day. And then coming home hissing and looking dower, not the girl he married. She only becomes normal again, not hissing like a serpent at him, once she is beside the fire, no questions asked, fed and with her baby. To break the spell the husband must let her get solid three nights sleep (which all women crave after having a baby) otherwise she’ll be off again all day feeding the fairy babies!
It makes you think how did the superstition come about … either a group of men experiencing the same reaction of their comely maidens changing into women they no longer recognised after having a baby and after many drinks decided it’s the fairies fault, or women came up with it and spread the rumour so women got some free time and were looked after, after having a baby. Sisters looking out for each other!
After reading some more and ordering a paperback copy, I’m sitting on my sofa in Italy during a pandemic lock down, wondering why this legend of an Irish woman has an Italian middle name. I google her and discover her great-grand father moved from Italy to Wexford (where I lived for many years), and she wrote under the pen name of Speranza, the Italian word for Hope.
… Message from the other side perhaps?
If you would like to browse Irish superstitions and spells here’s the link to the text:
https://www.libraryireland.com/AncientLegendsSuperstitions/Fairy-Changeling.php
Mar 30, 2020 | The Quarantine Diary, Week 3
Today marks the start of our fourth week of mandatory lockin here in Italy, so my household is having a mini celebration with a ‘Let’s Pretend Someone is Coming Over’ day.
We’re celebrating because:
- We haven’t killed each other yet.
- None of us have lost our marbles and none of our family have succumbed to the virus. Well, our daughter in London probably did have it, but she’s out the other side of it now and doing fine. So we are celebrating that too.
- I’m also celebrating that I can still fit into my jeans, though just about. I probably won’t be able to celebrate that next week the way things are going, so might as well give them a good send off.
A ‘Let’s Pretend Someone Is Coming Over’ day means we all spend a couple of hours cleaning the house and get it done by a certain arrival time. We’ll put a bit of effort in like shaving, getting dressed up in nice clothes and prepare a nice lunch.
I called my 84-year-old Mam in Ireland and virtually invited her over. So she has put on a new blouse she bought before she went into self isolation, brushed her hair and put on some makeup. We’ll both cook a nice lunch and have it virtually together.
This is not something new to me, sometimes I have a virtual dinner like this with our 23-year-old daughter who works in London. We’ll set up our ipads or phones with a video call through What’s App or Skype, we’ll cook dinner together while chatting in our different kitchens, and then sometimes I’ll even set a place on the table and prop up the iPad with her and we all have dinner together.
So maybe think of what you can celebrate today, burn those scented candles you have been saving for a special occasion, cook something nice and maybe have a virtual lunch or dinner with a friend or family member living away at the moment. Enjoy!
Mar 29, 2020 | The Quarantine Diary, Week 3
Day 20 – Tips To Deal with Fear
The clocks went forward today. I thought they went forward last Sunday so I’ve been living an hour ahead of myself for the last week. Not that it mattered, or anyone noticed. After three weeks in quarantine one of the biggest jokes in our house is when we ask each other to do something, like clean the car and the response is ‘Yeah I will ,if I have time today.’ Or waking up on Saturday and shouting ‘It’s The Weekend!”. Or when we ask ‘What time is it?’ and the response is always, ‘Why do you want to know, going somewhere?’
I’ve realised timelines give us comfort. They stop fear.
A lot of people around the world are just starting their first week of Mandatory Lockdown. This plays with your head a little different than self-isolation which we too had done before it became mandatory three weeks ago. With self-isolation you are in control, you are choosing to do it. With mandatory quarantine you are being told you don’t have a choice. Shops and businesses are closed which before you could have gone to if you so wished and you fi you chose to, you could go for a walk outside your gate to meet a friend. So the seriousness and reality of the situation is just hitting a lot of people now. It’s like there are three stages to this pandemic, the first two stages are; Panic (ahh buy toilet rolls, it’s coming!) and Fear (it’s here, what is going to happen? When will it end?).
It’s the ‘unknowing’ that breeds fear. We’ve all become used to living to deadlines and being able to get answers to our questions immediately, we always know when a result will be achieved, so we can move forward with thoughts and plans. It’s easy to let yourself get scared and anxious without the security of deadlines or when unreasonable ones are mentioned. Such as leaders of countries saying the elderly need to self isolate for four months, others saying it could last until next year, these are scary and stupid timelines to be mentioning. People begin to feel depressed and desperate about not seeing family and friends for that long, when in fact no one knows the deadline. And it is this unknowing that causes fear and anxiety.
What we do know is that it’s a virus and there are hundreds of very clever scientists working 24/7 to find a cure, a way of weakening it, and to develop a vaccine. There’s a race on to be the first, which is being funded by the ultra-rich and pharmaceutical companies, because whoever finds it first will be laughing all the way to the bank and there will be a Nobel prize in it for the scientist. Sort of like finding a Willy Wonka golden ticket. It just takes one genius to find the right formula. They are working hard at it all over the world. It will happen, they’ve done it a thousand times before and it could happen any day now. Once they call ‘Bingo!’ then we can all go back to our crazy hectic lives, see our friends and family and talk about the good old times when we had time to ourselves in quarantine. This will happen, that is one thing we can be sure of, but we still have to get over the insecurity and anxiety of the ‘unknowing’ deadline.
Here are five things that may help:
1. Give yourself fixed dates that are within the next couple of weeks
So for us here in Italy, I have had the 3rd April in mind for the number of cases to start to decrease and a new glimmer of hope to be seen. For the last five days the percentage of new cases has been much lower so I’m looking forward to us reaching the 3rd April in the hope we see continued improvement. Then I have the 15th April in mind. This is when quarantine will probably be extended to and perhaps the curve may be under control by then and the quarantine restrictions eased somewhat. Once I get to these dates, I’ll reassess and set new dates if needs be.
2. Visualise
Visualise the scientists at work and the moment that that one scientist has the ‘Eureka’ moment and finds the cure or the formula to stop the symptoms becoming severe. It will happen. It could be happening right now as you read this. As soon as it does happen, we will all be given an end deadline based on how long it can be mass produced and distributed. The turnaround will be quick – maybe days or maybe a week or two. So imagine you are given a two week deadline from today. Mark it on your calendar – Easter Sunday, perfect. What are you going to achieve in that two weeks? Start working towards that date as being the end date.
3. Realise we will never have this time again
How many times have we longed to have time to do the stuff we never get to do? Sort out photos, paint a picture, draw, write a book, read a book, learn to cook, bake a cake, have a lie-in, watch Netflix all day? Over half the world is on pause right now, told to go home, relax and do nothing, this has never happened before and will probably never happen again. So rather than living in fear that this will never end, know that it will end (remember the scientists) and embrace this unscheduled free time and do those things that you have never had time to do. If you don’t get them done during this extraordinary time, forget it, they’ll never be done.
4. Give yourself a break and stop thinking about it
Limit listening to the news once per day, then turn on music and get on with with number 3. Don’t read sensational headlines or get into rows on social media with people about conspiracy theories or ‘what ifs’. Image those, who you don’t know personally on social media, with a tinfoil hat on their head waiting for alien contact or imagine that they have taken a substantial amount of mind-altering drugs. Would you stop and have a conversation with them on the street? Probably not, so why are you trying to have a rational conversation with them now in your sitting room or while lying in bed? Ignore them and throw them out of your personal head space.
5. Plant seeds
I planted sunflowers the first day of quarantine. I tell myself that by the time they flower this will all be over. I don’t know if it will, no one knows – but I think of the scientists and I think of how my ancestors survived through much worse times, and every time I water them I am watering hope and I feel optimistic we are closer to the time when this virus is less scary and a thing of the past.
At the start of this post I mentioned there were three stages to this pandemic, the first two stages are; Panic and Fear and the final part is Resignation which hit me at the end of week two. Resigning to the fact that this is our current reality and we just have to get on with it. It’s not that bad! So let go and let be, know that this will end, and it might end before you get all those projects done so start working on them, turn off the news and visualise the scientists.
Mar 27, 2020 | The Quarantine Diary, Week 3
There’s a thing going around social media; In three weeks we’ll know everyones true hair colour.
I feel a bit smug about this, as I made the decision to embrace my silver last year when I had two frozen shoulders for 12 months. This meant I could only lift my arms to Frankenstein level. I couldn’t put on my own coat, bras were a struggle and brushing my hair was a challenge. I didn’t touch the top of my head for a full year. I come from a family of early greys and started dying my greys from the time I was 26.
I had played with the idea of going grey several times through the years. I always had an uneasy feeling about piling a load of chemicals on my head every six weeks. And an article I had read years ago, in one of these ‘really, really, true story’ magazines, about a woman who suddenly developed a reaction to hair dye and had a stroke (not a good thing to read while you are sitting in a hair dressers getting your hair dyed) was always in the back of my mind during a dye job.
I started to self-dye when I came to Italy, as my reddish tone wouldn’t have been easy to match and I found the perfect one in a home dye. I’d stockpile two or three each time I went back to Ireland.
When my Frankenstein episode hit, I got my husband to dye my hair. It was not one of those moments where you say, ‘aw you missed your calling, you should have been a hairdresser.’ Far from it. There was more dye on my face, shoulders, neck, dog, than on my hair. I took a photo and sent it to a friend. She nearly called an ambulance. I looked like someone had tried to scalp and skin me alive.
After cleaning up the crime scene and as I scrubbed my skin I began to think, ‘why am I doing this?’
Why are we (women especially), so afraid of letting ourselves go grey? I had six weeks to think about it.
I ran it past my niece, “Maybe in a few years, it might make you look really old. Like 45 or something”.
I’m 47.
I ran it past an Italian friend, “What? NOOOO! You look so young with your hair dyed, you look 32 or 34.”
“But I’m 47. I have a 23 year old daughter, why do I want to look 32? If people thought I looked 32 then they would think I had her when I was nine, which would be weirder than me having my natural hair colour don’t you think?”
She didn’t answer.
“Why can’t I look 47? ”
She thought for a moment;
“But Italian men love red hair!”
“I’m married 24 years, we’re still doing okay. I’m not looking for an Italian man.”
“Ah but why limit yourself to one man?”
She’s so Italian.
By 47 most of us have been through quite a few life learning episodes. I do feel a hell of a lot wiser then what I was 10 or 20 years ago. I am lucky to get to this age, some friends and family didn’t, so why can’t we all be proud of the age we achieve rather than trying to look a younger form of ourselves? My greys are like my badge of honour for surviving this long.
The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to let my hair colour grow out. So I am six months into my non-dyed hair phase. And I’m loving my silver! My dyed hair would get frizzy and dry a week or two before it needed to be redone. my silver is silky soft and smooth. There’s a weird sense of new self-confidence and empowerment that has come with it which I haven’t got my head around yet. Not giving a damn what others think of me? Being content with myself rather than doing something for other people approval perhaps? I’m looking forward to it being completely grey but for now I have a weird, reverse, ombre hairdo going on.
My 17-year-old son was in need of a haircut before the quarantine and has decided to let his hair grow long for the hell of it to see what happens. We’ve discovered he has mad curly hair, not something he had when he was young.
Hopefully we’ll all be out of quarantine before I am fully grey and my son has a full 70s afro.
Mar 26, 2020 | The Quarantine Diary, Week 3
“Is that nuclear fallout?” said my husband the other day, opening the bedroom shutters in his Eeyore ‘Nothing would surprise me at this stage’ voice. He yawns.
Is that a usual response from someone who sees nuclear fallout? I look from the bed, I’m less pessimistic “Noooo it’s… cherry blossom being blown around.” Then we’re both at the window to look closer.
“It’s a blizzard, it’s fucking snowing!”
The cold snap of weather has forced me inside rather than lolling around on the terrace, so I’ve started to do housekeeping activities.
I’ve become a master at fridge revolving. I wake in the morning and think about the meals we will have that day. Over my morning cuppa, I strategically move items around the fridge like chess pieces, categorised by their best before dates. The veggie drawer is checked. A lentil vegetable stew was made yesterday for dinner with enough to freeze for two other days. Today we’ll do chicken with a cream sauce as they need to be used. Tomorrow we’ll have roasted vegetables and tuna pasta, my chickpea curry the next and the frozen stew again the following day.
We have enough meals for another five days to avoid going out the gate again. As it’s day 17, it marks the day, that if we were carrying the virus when we started quarantine it would have shown by now, this makes us feel cocooned and not want to go outside our gate at all. We don’t want to take any chances.
As we run out of items, they are noted on a shopping list stuck to the front of the fridge. Meal plans are now being done nearly two weeks in advance so we know exactly what we need to buy on that one precarious trip to the supermarket. As a result we’re spending a lot less on groceries and there is a lot less food waste.
I’ve begun to dig deep into the back of the freezer also, something I’ve been meaning to do but put on the long finger – the cats are being fed fish I have had there for about five months, I would’t fancy it for human consumption, but they think it’s Christmas and we’re saving money on cat food. Although, it will probably cost me more in the long run when they refuse to go back to eating tinned food and expect to be fed shrimp and salmon everyday.
While organising the fridge this morning I realised why this cold spell was happening. Of course, it was because we took out the hammock last week when it was 20 degrees. I joked at the time, “It always rains when we take out the hammock, but the way 2020 is going, it will probably snow!”
So I’d just like to apologise to Italy for taking out my hammock and thus causing it to snow. I’m sorry I broke the weather.
