Day 1 of Quarantine: The roads are quieter. The sun is shining, I can hear the birds singing, spring is in the air ‘we can get through this’ I’m thinking while making tea. And then I notice something at the end of the back field. A squirt of a brown dog humping my big black german shepard.

‘What the F**k?’ I run out with my dressing gown flying in the air screaming at the four legged casanova. He dismounts wagging his tail, Asha my dog is smiling from ear to ear, the damage has been done and she’s very pleased with herself. She hasn’t let a dog near her in 10 years, why now? Are Italian dogs smooth barkers? I realise it has been him seranading her every evening at the bottom of the steps not the dog next door. They trot off to the woods together while I’m still screaming obsenities at them. The vet lives two villages away, I think I’ll need a police pass to get there. Why pick the first day of a three week quarantine to loose your virginity at this stage in your life and not a condom in sight? Then I’m thinking maybe the human Italians may also take advantage of this ‘quiet time’ to rekindle romance, so is this natures way of getting the Italians to procreate and balance the dwindiling population?